Insultos

Remember what I said about adolescents and their swearing?

Fernet Cinzano: Uno De Cada Diez

I'm sorry, too funny.

Valientes: Because it is Scientifically Proven that Beautiful People Help us Learn Language

Alright, maybe its not scientifically proven that it helps, but it sure makes it a lot more fun! Above are the three brothers on the show, Valientes. If you are in Argentina, check it out. It is pretty ridiculous, but Luciano Castro and Gonzalo Heredia make it all worthwhile. Leo, sos mi vida!

Lesson Six: Seis mas Sexo

Today on Bueno, entonces... we find out that on weekends, Jimena calls David to repasar what they learned this week. Jimena seemed a bit PMS-y at first, but we soon find that it was just the vino from the night before; well, that and the fact that David seems to cross the line of student/teacher appropriate behavior much more often on the weekend.

We first venture into reflexive verbs, as David needs to express that he has to shave, because he is going to cena with the girl in the Lycra suit from the gym. Oh David, you're all class. All class.

This whole lesson made me remember just how much I hate reflexive verbs. While we have our little professor man explain it to us quite well, it just...pisses me off. There are so many times where I say phrases and completely turn into a blundering idiot, saying "Te vas a bañar...te? se? Er...vas a ir a lavar...se? Sh*t!" I can't say anything that has to do with hygiene: brushing your teeth, shaving, taking a shower. You could be the dirtiest person in the world and hang out with me, because I wouldn't complain. I wouldn't know what the hell to say. My roommate always laughs because he doesn't get why anyone would have trouble with these verbs--you just need to use them when something affects you or falls on you or involves you.

Yeah, 'cause that makes TOTAL sense...not. I'd take subjuntivo over this crap any day.

Okay, the lesson goes on (thank God!) and we learn about numbers (regular and ordinals--hence the title) and then family members. We also find out that David's mom is a gynecologist, or a ginécologo. Now, go to this site, Forvo, to check out the pronunciation. Try saying that one 10 times fast!

Oh yeah, David's mom has been staying with him for quite some time now, and I forgot to mention it earlier. He generally complains that she criticizes him about the way he lives, dresses, etc. Typical mom stuff, but David is pretty funny about it. Apparently, she shops during the day and dances tango and looks for her own personal Antonio Banderas by night. Based on her habits, I think she and I would get along fabulously. David's mom has got it goin' on.

Annnnd on that note, I am out! Nos vemos mañana!

Lesson Five: Quiero Morderte como un Abuelo sin Dientes

David learns more about lunfardo in this lesson and tries his best to impress Jimena:

“Voy en el bondi con mi mina y vamos a morfar pero no tengo guita y la flaca se pone imbancable. Así que me voy a la mierda y vengo a mi clase con mi profesora que es re-minón, recontra buena. Vamos a pegarnos una ducha. Quiero morderte como un abuelo sin dientes.”

The translation of this pretty random and inappropriate phrase is:

“I travel in the bus with my girl and we are going to eat, but I have no cash and the girl becomes unbearable. So I get the hell out of there and come to my class with my teacher, who is a super-hot chick, super-hot. We are going to take a shower. I want to bite you like a toothless grandpa.”

Now, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been learning Spanish for 2 days or 10 years, it is impossible to translate the above phrase unless you have exposure to locals in Buenos Aires. And if you know this stuff, locals go craaazy. It really shows that someone has made an effort to learn about their culture, and it is appreciated.

David also learns that ending –mente to the end of words is like adding the –ly in English, which is definitely helpful to learn. And even more important? David learns usage of the word pedo, which is used almost as much as huevos and pelotas in BsAs. Phrases that the young Argentines use tend to revolve around shit, ass, and balls, I’ve found. I still can’t pull off saying too many of these phrases, but I can say, “hablo por el culo”, which directly translated means, “speak through the ass”. What it really means, though, is to speak badly. I think. “Cuando estoy borracha, hablo por el culo.”

During these lessons, David (and I) learn a lot more than I write about. It’s sort of hard to be specific because I s’pose I just absorb it when I watch. When watching these lessons, I find that the flow is great—I actually just feel like I am watching a TV show (and it's definitely addictive). And while I can watch it somewhat passively, at the same time, I can go out and use what I can learn because it is 100% applicable in the streets of BsAs...except that phrase about the grandpa. I’d refrain from repeating that one ;)

And here's a link to finish off the post:Lunfardo Dictionary

Yeah! Check it out!

Why Learning Slang Terms in Different Language is Important. Exhibit One:

Argentine dish soap. There are no words.

Lesson Four: Mi Mama es Rompepelotas

Lesson #4 was my favorite Spanish lesson so far. To be honest, a lot of the time I skip through the grammar section of the lesson, partly because of my self-diagnosed ADD and partly because I’ve studied an obscene amount of Spanish grammar and it makes me sick to my stomach. Lesson #4, however, kept my attention from the beginning to the end.

During this lesson, David learns all about slang, or lunfardo. He learns that how to say someone is a ball buster, the proper usage of boludo, and how to say boobs and breasts (lolas and tetas, in case you were wondering). What more does a guy need to know? My dad and I sat and watched the episode together and we laughed hysterically...most of the time. Unfortunately, I can now say for certain that sexual content still gets me red in the face when in the presence of my parents. Jimena gave David a little lesson in rolling his r’s and well, watch below.




Yep, definitely blushed during that part.

(Check out the Bueno, entonces...Youtube page here)

Lesson Three: No Hay Monedas

(photo courtesy of: Buenos Aires Photographer)

In this lesson, David begins by asking Jimena why she didn’t answer her phone the previous night. Now, we’re not sure if Jimena is fibbing when she says she didn’t receive the call (I know never to trust Argentine cell phones) but I felt David’s pain when he told her how he was unable to understand the phone number of his latest Latin lover. I can’t tell you how many times I have been in a club or bar and attempted to take down a number, and have gotten it completely lost in translation. David is quick to recover, though, and there is no doubt in my mind that he will go out and try it all over again.

We also learn about retornables, a concept that I failed to notice on my first trip to Buenos Aires. You pay an extra deposit on your beer, keep the bottle, and you get it back when you go to the same store and buy more beer. Fabulous! David did, however, pay way too much for his beer and did the unthinkable: convert it back into his currency.

Oh, David. You aren’t in your country anymore. Think in pesos, not in pounds! I’ve met lots of travelers that have stayed in BA for a long period of time, and their #1 regret was paying way too much at the beginning of their trip. As we see with David here, it is quite easy to pay too much in pesos when converting everything back to US dollars, Euros, pounds, etc.

If one is coming to BA for a short period of time and money is no object, whatever you do is up to you, I s’pose. I guess one sort of goes a little cost crazy when they are earning pesos (such as yours truly) and will do the unthinkable in order to save a peso and collect/hoard monedas.
Ah, monedas. When one comes to Buenos Aires, one will find that cambio is impossible to make. Try bringing a $100 AR note into just about anywhere, and you will get The Look. The What-on-earth-are-you-thinking-trying-to-change-a-$100-AR-note Look. And the monedas. Don’t even get me started.

No one has coins in Buenos Aires. Or, at least they want you to think that. Every single time I go out to buy something, there is a little back-and-forth played out:

Cashier: $13.25

Me: Tengo $15.

Cashier: 75 centavos tendrás?

Me: No, no tengo monedas.

Cashier: 25 centavos tendrás?

Me: No, no tengo monedas.

Cashier: Mmm, dos pesos?

Grr. I am currently holding up the line, pretending to rummage through my wallet. It’s pretty embarrassing, but if I am really strong, I will hold out. And I am, so I do.

Me: No, no tengo nada.

Cashier: (Eyeroll. She then proceeds to open her cash drawer full of monedas.)

That’s sort of what one finds here in Buenos Aires, and Jimena is very smart to teach David about this early on. It’ll save him tons of trouble when going to a kiosko or panaderia, or trying to take a colectivo or taxi. That’s definitely the beauty of Bueno, entonces... It’s teaching me tricks that I would have killed to know when I first got here.

You don’t learn this stuff in Rosetta Stone, that’s for damn sure.

Lesson Two: Todo Bien

This lesson starts off with David and Jimena doing a bit of a review from last time, going over greetings and explaining the cultural differences when asking someone how they are doing. David thinks it is a bit imposing to say, “How are you, all good?” which is the direct translation of “Que tal, todo bien?” I suppose it is true, though I had never thought of it that way. Maybe Argentinians are just happier? ☺

My dad actually watched this episode with me. He’s always had the mentality that Spanish is too hard to learn, but I told him that these were basic Spanish classes and that they weren’t like Rosetta Stone or traditional online classes—they actually keep your attention. And keep his attention they most certainly did! He was actually laughing at good deal of the time, which is a first for him during any type of Spanish class. He did say that they moved pretty fast, but I suppose if he paused and wrote down what was on the Pizarra Magica, he’d be able to study it on his own.

In the end, though, it did keep his attention and this is the best way to learn Spanish. If you hate your class or bored to tears, how will you learn?

I also really enjoyed the part where we learned how to fill out forms in Spanish. This happens all the time when Yanquis have to go to Colonia to renew our 90-day visa, deal with migraciones in Argentina, or attempt to do anything que tiene que ver con electricity, cell phone, internet, etc.
Lastly, what I enjoyed about this lesson was the when Jimena teaches David that ‘cero onda’ means something bad…not something good, like the girls in the club told him. I can’t tell you how many times I have used a term over and over, thinking it was good, only to find out that it didn’t mean what I thought it meant at all. Perfect example:


I live with an Argentine guy, and I asked him how you say roommates. He said, “Concubina.” I thought, “Oh, so we’re concubinos.” Well, I go around telling everyone that we’re concubinos, and finally when I go to have my nails done, I find out that apparently this word means that you are a couple, like common-law marriage type of thing. And no one told me this for the weeks that I went around saying I lived with my concubino?! My nail lady said that I need to sit down with him and clear this up, which I am still afraid to do, and it’s been about 4 months now. Oops.

Lesson One: Hacer Cucharita

Bueno,entonces... lesson one, complete!

So, this has got to be the most unique approach to language learning I’ve encountered thus far. It is really, really funny. Let’s introduce our two main players:



David: He is the gringo who came to Buenos Aires to learn Spanish and found a job on Craigslist (holla!) to make language videos in a recording studio. He’s quick, witty, and relentlessly tries to integrate some sort of sexual conversation into the Spanish lesson.

Jimena: She is the patient, patient Spanish teacher. She is Argentine, and does a fabulous job of 1) Encouraging David in his attempts to speak, even if he is incorrect, and 2) Speaks Spanish the entire time. She is extremely professional and does an excellent job of keeping David on track.

Today’s lesson covered the areas of greeting someone, introducing oneself, nationalities, the alphabet, basics for learning verbs, masculine/feminine, and a million other things in between. I know, it sounds like a bit much for a first lesson, but I think it works because I genuinely became immersed in the program. Verbs, nouns, fem/masc endings, etc., are all color-coded, and there are arrows that help one remember that the verb is in past/future tense. There is also a little Argentine flag that pops up when the word or term is unique to Argentina. My eyes and ears and kept busy the entire time, and the dialogue between Jimena and David is often interrupted by the little profe guy teaching us something new, so my brain has to keep changing gears and I never zone out.

So, what did I like the most? I would have to say the back and forth between Jimena and David. Honestly, the 40 minutes flew by because I was actually entertained the entire time. I love the section where Jimena is teaching David nationalities (so he can hacer cucharita with girls from all Spanish-speaking countries) and Jimena says, “Soy argentina.” David responds with, “You are the country? That’s a bit presumptuous.” It’s this sort of banter that makes the program interesting—nothing sounds terribly rehearsed, it is not tired dialogue, and it’s the closest thing, in my opinion, that you can get to being in a class.

And that was only lesson one. I used Bueno, entonces... in my computer but it's also available for the iPhone, check this out:

Best iPhone apps at AppStoreHQ

Who Am I and What Am I Doing?

(Me, looking extremely sure of myself.)


I ask myself that question every single day. And, let me tell you, the answer changes just as often as the question is asked.

Today, I am a US American living in Buenos Aires. Six months ago I was an Oregonian living in New York City. Two years ago I was living in Canada. And Mexico. And Germany. And Brazil.

You get the drift, I'm a nomad. A bohemian. A transient individual. To be honest, it's exhausting. New jobs, new apartments, new roommates, new language, new currency. You think one would get used to this, but I swear I'm just as frazzled as I was the first time I moved. This is why I've decided to settle for awhile...and, I feel I picked the right place to dig in.

Buenos Aires has got to be the coolest place I've ever been. It's the perfect mix of Latin flava and Euro sophistication. If London, Rio, and Paris were to spend a wild evening together, I feel that BsAs would be the resulting lovechild. And, it's cheap.

Apparently not cheap enough, though. I am working a job that pays JUST enough to scoot by, and because I am waiting on my papers w/ migraciones in order to get a job in an Argentine company, I am hesitant to get another full-time expat job. So, I needed something part-time. Something random. And of course, I did what any other smart-minded individual would do: I looked on Craigslist.

And, boy, did I find a schweet gig...and, even better, I got it!

So, what is this part-time, wonderous, fantabulous job, you ask? Well, its not really a job, to be honest. It's learning Spanish! Or, learning it over again. You see, I have just been given what is possibly the most rockin' gig in the world--take a Spanish course for free (that I love already) and get paid to blog about it! Mmmhmmm, lookin' forward to it!

I've take about 234902342 language courses in my lifetime...okay, maybe only 11 or 12, but who's counting? :

1) Spanish at Westview High School in Oregon.
2) Portuguese at Yazigi in Espirito Santo, Brazil.
3) Private Spanish lessons in Mexico.
4) Private German lessons in Mexico (yeah, I know, that was an interesting one).
5) German at Philipps Universitaat in Germany.
6) Spanish and German at Mount Allison University in New Brunswick, Canada.
7) German with Rosetta Stone.
8) Spanish at the Universidad de Belgrano.
9) Spanish at a language institute called VOS in Buenos Aires.
10) Spanish at IBL in Buenos Aires.
11) Spanish at Portland State University in Oregon.

I'm sort of a language learning addict. In addition to learning at this various places, I also taught English in Mexico, Spanish in Oregon, and currently I am in the process of getting my TEFL certification. Language learning is my thing, and trust me, I know my shit. Or I like to think that I do.

Which is why I am stoked to see how this new program is. It's called Bueno, entonces... and so far, I'm loving it. I'm already pretty fluent in Spanish, but I love love love watching the episodes. Honestly, it's super fun.

I think it's pretty ballsy for Bueno, entonces... to have me do this. They were great in letting me know that wherever I take this blog is totally up to me, and they didn't tell me anything specific to say. Basically, I am not being paid to talk them up; I am being paid to take the course and let the world know that I think. So...brace yo'selves.