Lesson Nine: Querido, a Vos Ningún Colectivo Te Deja Bien.

Man, I love Spanish class.

I’ve said it before and will say it again : Bueno, entonces... is the best Spanish lesson series I have ever encountered. It honestly just keeps getting better and better. Today was no different.

I literally laughed out loud during this lesson. It was that good. I sat in my parent’s studio in Palermo with no one else in the entire building (still under construction) and just…laughed.

Today we learned all about time. And sex. And masturbation.

Jimena came out of her shell.

She was teaching David about time, and after asking him a few questions, she requested that he ask her a few questions as well. Well, we all know David is a pervert and wants into Jimena’s pants more than anything, so I knew the questions would be inappropiate. What I didn’t know was that Jimena would actually answer them:

David: ¿A qué hora te levantás?

Jimena: Me levanto a las siete.

David: ¿A qué hora te bañás?

Jimena: Me baño a las siete y cuarto.

David: ¿Qué hacés en los quince minutos? Like, what do you do in those 15 minutes before? Do you just walk around naked?

Jimena: Si, exacto. Eso. Mhm.

David: ¿A qué hora desayunas?

Jimena: Desayuno a las siete y media.

David: So are you in your towel at that point?

Jimena: Si.

David: ¿A qué hora te gusta tener sexo?

Jimena: A las nueve y media.

David: ¿En la mañana o en la noche?

Jimena: Las dos. Y a las tres de veinte también.

David: So, every 12 hours and once in the middle. Is that how you keep such a good figure?

Jimena: Si. Es mi secreto.

David: ¿A qué hora masturbás?

(Jimena goes on to correct him, saying that it is a reflexive verb—since you are doing it to yourself, obvio. So, it is te masturbás o me masturbo.)

David: ¿A qué hora extactamente te masturbás?

Jimena: A ver, un día normal, cualquiera, empiezo a las siete y veinte en la ducha, a las siete y treinta y cinco, mientras desayuno, a la doce y cuarto, a las dos menos cuarto, en el colectivo, mientras vengo a la clase de español.

David: I do that, too! There is a lot of vibration on that bus.

Jimena: (continues)...y después a las tres y media mientras miro la novela. Sigo?

Ah, man. It never gets old.